Carpathia IV: Episode 198 - The Prank
NCCS Shadowdancer-A
A two-month vacation, enough to make the return "home," such as it is, to be imbued with a temporary sense of unfamiliarity. This is what afflicted Amenaru and Teek as they strolled through the corridors, pulling their suitcases behind. The sounds of the consoles. The drone of the engines replacing the ocean waves. The humidity at an acceptable, perfectly-controlled level.
Teek: You get one of the couples cabins now. Can't wait to see what it looks like. Commander Joust didn't let anyone near it while he was getting it ready for you.
Amenaru stopped in his tracks, his eyes widening.
Amenaru: Commander Joust?
Teek: Yes. He took on all the responsibilities himself. He wouldn't let anyone else inside.
Amenaru slowly started moving forward again, his mind awash in speculation over what might be awaiting him in his new quarters. Silk sheets? Heart pillows? Those were tame. Anything was possible.
Amenaru: So... um... What was Blue's funeral like?
Teek: Pretty awful at first, honestly. I don't think there was a single Rameweti politician who didn't try to take an opportunity to grandstand. It was pretty crass and embarrassing. Things got better when the protests started and the dragons stepped in.
Kit: It sounds like we did not miss much.
Teek: It got better after a few pointed snarls from some of the dragons. Have you ever seen Kuro in her dragon form?
Amenaru: I haven't.
Teek pulled his shoulders in tight and shivered.
Teek: Scary beyond all reason. And on top of that, she's twice as big as the rest of them.
Amenaru: Oh, I kinda wanna see that now.
At last, they arrived at the door to the new quarters and they stood in front of the doors without opening them.
Teek: Pity we won't be next door neighbors anymore, but at least you're only section away.
Still they stood, neither Amenaru nor Kit making any effort to touch the door control.
Teek: Aren't you going to go in?
Amenaru: I'm terrified. What if a box of spiders explodes when we open the door?
Teek: Oh, come on. It can't be that bad. Commander Joust might be a bit silly sometimes, but he's not evil.
Amenaru: I'm not so sure about that.
Amenaru took a deep breath and tapped the door control. With a whoosh, the door slid open, revealing the living room, looking perfectly normal. From what little they could see through the doorway, there was a couch in tasteful gray fabric. A glass-top coffee table with a vase and some flowers. Probably fake flowers. Could something be hiding inside? An entirely mundane view. The door, however, had quite enough of waiting for someone to walk through, thank you very much, and closed of their own volition.
Kit: Everything looks fine to me.
Amenaru: There has to be something.
Teek: Oh, stop being such a weenie!
Teek hit the door control himself this time and then slipped in before it fully slid open.
Teek: See? It's nothing!
Amenaru waited for an ironic outcome to Teek's reckless intrusion, like an anvil falling on his head or something like that. But... nothing.
Teek: See?
Kit entered next, leaving Amenaru alone outside. Though not convinced that it was safe, he steeled himself and stepped inside. Still, nothing amiss. Just your average, ordinary quarters, although this one appeared to have a full kitchen rather than a nook with a mini fridge and a hot plate. Nice, but not what Amenaru thought about. Every door and drawer he opened could be a potential something springing out.
But there was nothing. Nothing at all. No tricks. No traps. Nothing popped out of the drawers. Nothing silly in the cabinets. Nothing creeping around the closets. Everything normal. All normal. But this could not be. Not content with hoping for the best, Amenaru started pulling drawers completely out of their holdings and examining the insides.
Teek: Amenaru, if Joust did anything, you're not going to find it. He's too good. You may as well just let whatever's going to happen, happen.
Amenaru: I know, I know. It's just going to drive me nuts until he springs his trap.
Kit: It'll probably be something silly, not scary. I'm kind of looking forward to it.
Amenaru: For real?
Kit: Last time he did our room, he just put in some silk sheets and funny pillows.
Amenaru: He's up to something and I'm not going to be satisfied until I find out what it is.
Kit: Suit yourself. I'm going to unpack. Looks like none of our stuff has been moved from our old quarters, so we'll have to start on that soon.
Teek: Shouldn't take long. I'll go grab a hovercart for you.
While Teek trotted off, Kit started cheerily emptying his suitcase and putting his clothes into the closet while Amenaru continued to fret, checking every little crack and crevice for something nefarious.
Bridge, NCCS Shadowdancer-A
Aire emerged from the side door of his ready room and descended the stairs. After rounding the corner, he made directly for his chair and had a seat next to Joust.
Aire: Status.
Phobos: On course for Sunstone Nebula. Estimated arrival tomorrow at 15:43.
Aire: Thank you, Ensign. Well, Commander. It's been a week since we left Andrast. I'm looking forward to getting back to missions.
Joust: I'm always enjoying things no matter what we do.
Aire: That you are. Anything going on with the crew I should know about?
Joust pulled his legs onto his chair, sitting Indian style, and put his hands behind his head. Aire knew this pose. Joust was feeling a bit smug about something, for sure.
Joust: Getting ready for our belated Halloween party. Otherwise, doing just fine, Captain. I believe they feel the same as you do, eager to get back to work.
Aire: Really? And our newlyweds?
Joust: Dandy!
Aire: Kit seems fine, but Amenaru has seemed unusually paranoid all week, like he's expecting someone to drop a crocodile on his head.
Joust: I hadn't noticed.
Aire: I heard you put yourself solely in charge of getting their new quarters ready?
Joust: That I did.
Aire: And I take it his behavior has something to do with that?
Joust: Not a bit, Captain.
Joust cracked a smile and Aire nodded, deciding it was time for this little verbal sparring to end.
Aire: Okay, cut the crap, Commander. What did you do?
Joust grinned even wider.
Joust: Absolutely nothing.
Aire said nothing, but tilted his head and gave him a skeptical gaze.
Joust: You know what the greatest prank of all is, Captain? When everyone is dead sure that something is going to happen and then nothing at all happens.
Aire paused, wondering if he truly heard what he thought he just heard.
Aire: Really? Nothing at all?
Joust: Well, maybe a little something.
Joust produced a notebook from his pocket and, after rifling through the pages, he landed on one in particular and handed it to Aire. To him, however, it was just a mess of scribbles, numbers, and incoherent diagrams.
Joust: For their bed, instead of your usual mattress filling, I stitched together 130 whoopee cushions and used that.
Joust leaned over and gave several hard taps on his notebook, still in Aire's hands, with his claw.
Joust: That is a detailed log of Amenaru's and Kit's comings and goings. I have carefully calculated the exact times that they are most likely getting frisky.
Joust pulled a tablet from his pocket and tapped the controls.
Joust: The whoopee cushions should be programmed to go off right about...
Before Joust could finish, the comm console beeped a quick double chime, indicating a crew member was calling. At first, instead of a voice, however, they heard copious farting and Kit's voice laughing in the background.
Amenaru: COMMANDER JOUST!!!
Joust: ...now.
Commissioned art in this episode from:
AvareonArt
Zelbunnii
Less_End
Thatwildmary
Colourbrand
Falke2009
