Carpathia IV: Episode 226 - The Weenie Test
Polaris Deep
The lift doors opened at Deck 1, the smallest of all decks, consisting of only two rooms, the ready room and the conference room. Amenaru pulled himself up straight and walked to the conference room door. He hesitated only for a moment, wondering what Joust had in store for him. This meeting would determine the track for his command officer exam and he would have felt a little less anxious about it if anyone other than Joust were the adjudicator. Having Joust meant that there would be at least one, if not more, surprises in store.
Steeling himself for whatever might come next, Amenaru raised his finger and tapped the door panel. Inside, he found Joust sitting at the opposite end of the conference table facing him and a stack of tablets on the table.
Joust: Come in, Amenaru. Have a seat.
Amenaru: Yes, Commander.
Amenaru marched inside, stiff and straight, heading to his chair next to Joust.
Joust: At ease, Lieutenant. This is an informal meeting.
Immediately, Amenaru decompressed, like he just had a particularly satisfying fart, and took a seat, leaning forward and resting his arms on the desk.
Joust: We're going to be starting your command officer exam soon. There will be one written exam and a series of practical tests that will take place in the holo simulator. Here is your schedule.
Joust passed a tablet to Amenaru. He took it and studied the contents carefully, running his finger down through each, mouthing the name of each module as he went. This continued until he got to the end, where there were no module names to be had.
Amenaru: There are three here labelled "To be determined." What are those?
Joust: Some practical tests you won't know until you do them. I'll be putting you in situations and you'll have to use your training to figure out what to do.
Amenaru: I see. I have a feeling those will be the most stressful ones.
Joust: You'll just have to wait and see. I haven't scheduled your practicals yet, but your written test date is on your tablet. Be sure to study!
Amenaru: I will, Commander.
Joust pulled another tablet from his stack and passed it to Amenaru.
Joust: Remember this?
Amenaru took the tablet and began to read. He didn't have to get very far before recognizing what it was about.
Amenaru: I remember this. The system flagged activation of a camwhoring site from Darius's console in his quarters.
Joust: We tend to try to take a hands-off approach to all the sex stuff that goes on with this ship, but we do have our limits, as you well know. One of those limits is using the Shadowdancer systems to broadcast your naughty bits. I shall leave this in your capable hands. I'll be watching from the ceiling.
Joust stood in his chair and with a jump and a mighty flap of his wings, attached himself to the ceiling. There, he wrapped himself up in his wings and settled in, blending shockingly well with the decor.
Amenaru: Wait, leave what in my capable hands?
A hand popped out from between the wings, finger raised, and a shush sound emanated from within.
Joust: I'm not here!
The door chime sounded and Amenaru had a funny feeling he knew who it was.
Amenaru: Enter!
The door slid open and indeed it was Darius. Now, all was clear.
Darius: Oh, my apologies, Lieutenant. I thought Commander Joust would be here. I can wait outside if I'm early.
Amenaru held up his hand and waved Darius inside.
Amenaru: Actually, Commander Joust is a little busy and he asked me to fill in. Come on in, erm...
Amenaru looked closely at the tablet, skimming the text to find what he was looking for.
Amenaru: ...Tushytunnel69.
Darius's ears sagged. After some hesitation, he skittered in the door with his tail tucked between his legs.
Amenaru: Have a seat, Cadet.
Amenaru watched as Darius shuffled over to the conference table, but he was only partially paying attention, for half his mind was occupied with a single thought. Was he really doing this? Would his first act of discipline be for a weenie-related infraction? On one hand, it seemed like some sort of cosmic joke, but this was Joust's doing, after all, who had a knack for parlaying an opportunity into something that resembled a cosmic joke.
Darius sat in the chair opposite Amenaru and scrunched up his body.
Amenaru: Ahem... um... You know why you're here, Cadet?
Darius: I'm sorry, Lieutenant. I... um... got horny and I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing.
Ouch, Amenaru thought. Joust was an evil little bat bastard, for sure. He must have known this would happen and just how relatable it would be. Nevertheless, if this was to be his job, then he would have to see it through to the end.
Amenaru: Right. Well, though your, um, private life is your business, we can't have you using Shadowdancer equipment for live streaming, whether it's your dick or a video game.
Darius responded with a vigorous nod, a similar tactic Amenaru had done many times for himself, hoping that enthusiastic agreement would both shorten the duration of an uncomfortable meeting and lessen the punishment. While this might have an effect on the former, unlikely for the latter. Amenaru knew this, but it all looked so very different from the authority side of the table.
Darius: I understand, Lieutenant. It won't happen again.
Now, it all came down to consequences, and Amenaru had to think carefully and quickly. First offense... Excellent service record... Not to mention that Darius saved his life, but, hard as it was, Amenaru couldn't let that factor into the equation. No abacus handy, though cleaning toilets didn't seem to be the correct solution to this situation anyway. With an idea in mind, Amenaru tapped on his tablet while he gave Darius the bad news.
Amenaru: Alright, then, there will be a note on your file about this. To ensure no further network shenanigans, I will disable all non work-related functions on your account for a period of, let's say, one day.
Amenaru suddenly felt something small, but very hard, clonk him on top of his head, sending his ears into a reflex flattening on his head. He glanced up, but Joust appeared the same. He looked down to see a solitary acorn standing out prominently on the pristine carpet next to him. Two questions, one following the other, wafted through his head. Did Joust really have an acorn a the ready for this exact moment? And just where the hell did he even get an acorn anyway? Nevertheless, Amenaru recovered quickly and corrected himself.
Amenaru: Sorry, I meant five days.
Darius: I understand, Lieutenant.
With the ugly part out of the way, Amenaru felt that now would be a fine time to release all the empathy that had been building up inside him.
Amenaru: Trust me, one weenie-related infraction isn't likely to have any effect on your career. Just look at me. I've got at least a dozen at this point and you're usually a lot more restrained than I am.
Amenaru expected a nod, but instead, he got nothing. Just Darius staring off into literal space outside the window.
Darius: Too restrained, honestly. That's what got me into this mess. I got so pent up that I stopped thinking properly.
Amenaru: You're definitely a late bloomer. I can't relate, but I've known a few, and I could see that it's tough. Remember that the counselling services are always available.
Darius: I understand, Lieutenant.
Amenaru: If there's nothing else, you're dismissed, Cadet.
Darius stood up straight with his hands and arms pinned to his side.
Darius: Understood, Lieutenant!
Amenaru watched as Darius did his best to march out of the room with formal dignity, but he could still sense a plod in his steps. Once he left and the door closed behind him, Joust dropped from the ceiling and back into the chair from which he left.
Joust: Very good, Lieutenant! Solid B+. Some hesitation. I'd have given him 3 days, but you did hit the low and high ends. I liked the suggestion of counselling services at the end. How did you feel?
Amenaru: A little weird, given the subject matter. Knowing you, I'm sure you were entirely giddy when this opportunity presented itself. I also wish I'd had a little time to prepare.
Joust: That's fair. And yes, I certainly couldn't pass this opportunity up! You will need some preparation for any major issues that come up. For little things like this, you'll find you're just going on instinct more often than not. Anyway! You have passed your first test. Now go study for your written test.
The awkwardness Amenaru felt before melted away, replaced with a feeling of relief.
Amenaru: Thank you, Commander. One thing, though...
Amenaru glanced down again at the acorn.
Amenaru: Where did you get...
Joust cut him off by waving his hand in Amenaru's face.
Joust: Now, now. No stupid questions. Off you go!
Taking the not so subtle hint, Amenaru nodded and stood.
Amenaru: Yes, Commander!
And, like Darius before, but with a lighter bounce to his step, left the conference room.
Ready Room, NCCS Shadowdancer
On the other side of Deck 1, a different meeting took place, with Aire at his desk and with Trex and Shep in the chairs sitting across from him.
Aire: Trex, it appears that the transfer of the command codes for Chief of Security have been successfully transferred to you. If you have any issues, you can let Amenaru know. He can handle that.
Trex: Will do, Captain. I'm just tickled pink to head up the security department! Commander Unas has been very nice to share a lot of ideas and tips with me.
Aire: We're all glad to have you and I'm sure you'll do well in your new position. That brings me to Shep.
Shep's ears twitched, the only thing that belied the rest of his stiff, stoic demeanor as he sat in his chair.
Shep: Yes, Captain.
Aire: I would like for you to serve as Deputy Security Chief, Trex's old position. The decision is yours.
Again, little movement from Shep, though he did respond with a little nod and looked away for a moment, clearly doing some thinking.
Shep: Permission to speak freely, Captain.
Aire: Always, Shep, particularly now. If you do accept the position, I would prefer that you always do so.
Shep: I chose the Carpathian Scout Force because I did not think starship life would suit me. I believe the rest of my team felt similarly. Lots of boring floating around in a giant hotel, occasionally bumping into something mildly interesting. Once the Vashta threat has passed, I would like to go back to that career. That said, this ship has been considerably more interesting than my imagination could conceive and I believe there's more I can learn here. I would like to accept your invitation.
Aire listened intently, for it was rare for Shep to talk this much and whenever he had something to say, it was sure to be important. He was much like Teren in that regard.
Aire: Rarely a dull moment with this ship. We're glad to have you. Now, since your position will be more official, even if temporary, we need to give you a new rank commensurate with your duties and in line with exploration force rankings. How does Master Chief Specialist sound to you?
Shep: That sounds like an upgrade, Captain.
Aire: I believe it is and you deserve it. I will have Amenaru set up your new command codes and I'll leave you and Trex to come up with a plan on how to run your department. I'll expect a report on that before we arrive at the Andrast Shipyard.
Trex: Will do, Captain.
Shep: Thank you, Captain.
Aire: Dismissed.
Commissioned art in this episode from:
AvareonArt
Zelbunnii
Less_End
Thatwildmary
Colourbrand
Falke2009
