Carpathia IV: Episode 58 - Love's Labor's Lost
Draconis Colony, NCCS Shadowdancer
His heart heavy with grief and guilt, Kit stumbled into his quarters, no longer interested in keeping himself occupied with work and certainly not keen on participating in the large social event going on outside. Once inside, Kit tossed his tablets onto his bed and pulled the chest plate from his uniform. Turning the plate around so that he could look at it closely, he ran his fingers softly over the fox badge affixed to it.
Soon, Kit tossed the chest plate onto the bed as well and gazed out the window, which afforded him soothing view of the sea stretching all the way to the horizon. Regrettably, Kit's mind was not keen on a soothing view and began redirecting his thoughts to his past.
Tokkastra, Near the Savea Enclave
Kit remembered walking the streets of the city near the Savea Enclave with his father and brothers, sometimes to visit neighboring, friendly enclaves and sometimes to attend posh events where boring speakers espoused principles of Tokkastran purity. They could have taken a chauffeured car—the Saveas were most definitely rich enough for that—but Kit's father, Rhalma, often elected to walk. In his words, this was to "marvel at feats of Tokkastran ingenuity."
There was one street that they never traversed, however, full of colorful lights with symbols on the storefronts that Kit did not recognize. One night, he mustered up the courage to ask his father about it.
Kit: Father, what's down that street?
Rhalma glanced down the street and adopted a furious scowl.
Rhalma: Son, you must never go down that street. It is full of deviants, impure, and mono who would all destroy our Tokkastran perfection. Promise me you'll never go there!
Mono. For a long time, Kit knew this was what he was, but he dare not admit to it. Kit glanced down the street again, still curious, though he knew the consequences if he gave his father the wrong answer or hesitated too long.
Kit: I promise, Father.
Tokkastra, Savea Enclave
Kit cowered in the corner, hunkering down close to the mat, entirely indifferent to the blood stains on his white sparring uniform. The room he was in was austere by Savea standards, with wooden walls, simple lights in the corners, and soft mats on the floor. The walls contained the only embellishments, painted with murals depicting ancient heroes of Tokkastran lore. Any Carpathian, and probably most non-Savea Tokkastrans, would giggle at the sight of them, for each were laughably similar, with their flowing hair waving in the breeze, confident gazes staring off into the horizon, and impossibly perfect, muscular bodies reminiscent of Boris Vallejo illustrations.
It was a room for one thing only, sparring. As he wiped blood from his face with his good hand while cradling his broken wrist in the other, tears rolled down his cheeks as the pain shot through his entire arm. His father stood over him, glowering disappointedly.
Rhalma: Get up!
Kit: Please... no more.
Rhalma: You must be prepared for the coming purge! We don't know when it will be, so we must be ready at any time!
Kit: Please! I just need a doctor.
Rhalma stomped to the corner where Kit was cowering. Picking Kit up by the skin on the back of his neck, Rhalma slammed him against the wall and leaned in close to his face.
Rhalma: You have to learn to fight even while injured. Now, put up your hands and stop my punches!
Kit closed his eyes and did as he was told, holding up his hands and awaited his father's punches with dread.
Tokkastra, Savea Enclave
Waiting in the lobby in front of his father's office, Kit checked his watch. His father was uncharacteristically late. Every week, he had a meeting to discuss the personal training regimens with himself and each of his brothers. The meeting with one of his brothers was going on for an unusually long time. Kit stood and approached the door, wondering if he might be able to hear what was transpiring inside. Unfortunately, he could.
Rhalma: I don't understand! I thought that he'd change as he grew. Somehow, still blue eyes, blonde hair, and that ridiculous ear that sticks straight up! He must have gotten it from his mother's side. I think I may need to make an appointment to at least get that ear of his to bend like it should.
Kit stepped back as he pulled on his straight ear, rubbing it nervously. As ashamed as he was to have it, he did not want it altered. It was a part of him and now he finally understood that nothing he did would please his father for as long as he had his ear, his hair, or his eyes. For the first time, a glimmer of realization began to overtake him, that pleasing his father would be as impossible as passing through the engine core of a spaceship intact. Fighting back tears, Kit ran from the lobby to the elevator that went to the ground.
Tokkastra, Forbidden District
Kit was not yet rohin, a tokki who was not a member of any enclave, but he was close to it. Running away was bad enough, but filing the paperwork to formally disassociate with the Savea enclave would further enrage his father, guaranteeing that squad would be sent to find him with dire consequences if they did. Kit knew what he was doing well enough to empty his bank account before his father found out and closed it.
With enough cash to sustain himself for several months, Kit pondered what to do next. He found himself in the mono district, the same one his father told him never to visit, standing across the street from a rather nondescript club set back from the street as though hiding from the other buildings. It seemed safer than the larger places nearby. Quiet. Subdued. A good place to step into the mono world for the first time.
With a heavy sigh, Kit walked across the street and entered the building.
Kit had some idea of what to expect when he walked inside from prior research. This club was clearly divided to his expectations. Booths for couples were on one side and a more open area for single people to mingle on the other. It was quite unlike the noisy, party atmosphere of a regular Tokkastran club. This club was quiet and subdued, with a forbidden feeling all around.
Kit, glancing around warily, took a seat at the counter and ordered himself an herbal tea. As he sipped his tea, he stared straight ahead, afraid to make eye contact with anyone in the area. Not paying well enough attention to what was going on around him, he was surprised when another tokki sat next to him and started talking.
Mysterious Tokki: Haven't seen you around here before.
Kit twitched and turned slowly to his side to see a young tokki unlike any he'd ever seen before. Multi-colored hair which covered part of his face. Piercings everywhere. Taut, smooth skin. Though Kit opened his mouth to say something, all he could do was mutter incoherent noises. Consumed with embarrassment, he darted across the club and out the door.
Tokkastra, Forbidden District
It was a week before Kit calmed himself enough to try again and despite humiliating himself before, he went back to the same club. It seemed nice enough and the tea was good. Mustering up his courage, Kit stepped timidly inside the door again. Once inside, he looked around. It seemed the same as before, singles on one side and couples on the other. He didn't recognize anyone at first, which did not surprise him as he left so quickly. Soon, however, he did see someone he recognized. The same tokki who talked to him before trotted toward him beaming a hearty smile.
Mysterious Tokki: I was hoping you'd come back.
Kit's ears twitched from side to side as he wrung his hands.
Kit: I thought you'd think I was crazy.
Seiwan: Not crazy. You're a first-timer, aren't you? It's easy to tell. I'm Seiwan.
Kit: I'm Kit.
Seiwan gently took Kit's trembling hand in his and gazed into Kit's eyes.
Seiwan: Nice to meet you properly this time. Would you like to get a booth?
Kit smiled and nodded hesitantly.
Tokkastra, Forbidden District
Kit and Seiwan spent the next several minutes getting settled and ordering with Kit having the same herbal tea as before and Seiwan ordering the same plus an appetizer for them to share. The drinks came quickly with a promise that the veggie appetizer would follow shortly. Now settled, Seiwan opened the small talk.
Seiwan: Your collar tells me you're House Savea.
It didn't take long for Kit to decide to be completely forthcoming on his background. It would be easy enough to discover anyway.
Kit: I am. Rhalma is my father.
Seiwan winced dramatically.
Seiwan: Oo, that must be rough. I would guess he doesn't know you're here.
Kit shook his head vigorously enough to send his ears flopping in all directions.
Kit: No way! He doesn't even know that I would come here.
Seiwan: Yeah, I suppose you wouldn't tell him something like that.
Kit: Your collar. That's House Shaslee, right? Father says House Shaslee is our best ally. Does your family know?
Seiwan: They don't know I'm here, but they know I'm monotype. I was stupid enough to tell them. They are not happy about it at all.
Seiwan leaned forward and rested his chin in the palm of his hand.
Seiwan: Enough of the dreary stuff, though. I want to know about you. What kinds of things do you like?
Kit moved his hands away from his drink, curling them into tight fists on the table, not preparing for a fight, but in despair that this was a question that he could not answer. His face deflated as he looked away, leaving Seiwan confused. Usually this question made his dates happy. Seiwan reached forward and placed his hands on Kit's.
Kit: I... I really don't know. Until now, my life has been strictly scheduled. Study. Training. Father isn't really big on hobbies. What I mean to say is that I don't really know what I like.
To Kit's surprise, Seiwan gave a hearty smile and squeezed his hands on Kit's even tighter.
Seiwan: Well, that won't do at all. When we've finished our drinks here, we should go out. I'll introduce you to some things I like. Maybe you'll like some of them too!
Kit looked straight ahead again at Seiwan with a little smile and a faint glimmer of hope that, maybe, life outside of the Savea Enclave would be okay.
Tokkastra, Water Park
The next several months were bliss for Kit, learning about delights he'd never imagined before. Seiwan introduced him to a nearby waterpark. The only swimming Kit had ever done was in a boring, rectangular pool and that was for endurance training. Swimming for leisure was an entirely alien concept and finding himself on top of a rickety tower looking down a twisty water slide filled him with apprehension.
Seiwan: You've really never seen a water slide before?
Kit stepped back, feeling as though the slide might somehow suck him in and shoot him out the other end like a missile.
Kit: Never.
Seiwan: I'll go first, so you can see how much fun it is!
Seiwan wasn't even careful about getting into the slide, but instead launched himself into it with his arms high and cheering merrily all the way down. Kit watched, bemused, but less afraid. Carefully, he planted his butt at the top of the slide and gave himself a little push. As he picked up speed, a the mixture of terror and invigoration, until he neared the bottom and only had a few seconds to wonder what hitting the pool at that speed might do.
Not much, as it turned out. A few moments of flailing, during which time he wasn't sure which way was up, and everything was right again.
Kit: Let's go again!
Tokkastra, Boardwalk
After a night at the theater watching a movie, Seiwan and Kit had a stroll down the nearby boardwalk, eventually stopping for ice cream.
Seiwan: That was a good movie! Those humans are so violent though.
Kit: What do you mean?
Seiwan: Like when that one guy said, "We love fighting!"
Kit had to think for a moment which part of the movie Seiwan was referring to.
Kit: Oh, that. The subtitle had it wrong. The man said, "Let them fight." He said that because they could do nothing and Godzilla and Ghidorah had to settle things themselves. I know people complain that universal translator subtitles feel too dry, but they really need to do a better job if they're not going to do it themselves.
Seiwan froze, almost as solid as his ice cream, as he stared at Kit inquisitively with his tongue still sticking out awaiting the next lick of the cone.
Seiwan: Wait, you understand Japanese now?
Kit: I wanted to be able to watch the movies without worrying about the subtitles.
Seiwan: But you didn't know any Japanese the last time we watched one of those movies!
Kit: Yeah, it took me a few months to learn it.
Seiwan: Just a few months? You must be some kind of genius.
Kit: How long does it normally take?
Seiwan: Years! And even after that, most people struggle.
Kit: Huh. I didn't know it was that hard for others.
Seiwan licked his ice cream before resting his head in the palm of his hand.
Seiwan: You're something else. You should join Carpathia's space force or something.
Kit almost didn't hear that last part as he was busy reaching for Seiwan's mouth with a napkin.
Kit: You got something here.
Seiwan sat up and let Kit wipe his face.
Seiwan: Hee hee. Messy.
Tokkastra, The Club
Kit didn't know why Seiwan wanted to meet at the club again. It had been a long time since they were there, now spending most of their days partaking in the joys of the city. Seiwan had been acting strangely for the last month, more brooding, less confident, and often distracted, barely listening to what he was saying anymore. Heart heavy with worry, Kit walked in the door and found Seiwan already sitting at a booth.
Kit: There you are. It's been awhile since we've been here.
Kit sat and waited for Seiwan to respond. It took some time before he finally lifted his head, hardly able to look Kit in the eye.
Seiwan: Sorry, I'm just here to say goodbye. I'm going into conversion therapy tomorrow. I just can't take the pressure from my family anymore.
Kit could hardly believe what he was hearing. Hard as it was being mono, he couldn't imagine trying to be anything else and it tore at his heart thinking he'd never see Seiwan again. Right now, he thought this could only be an awful dream.
Seiwan: I just wanted to see you one last time.
Seiwan stood and immediately turned to the door. Halfway there, he stopped, turning to look Kit in the eye one last time.
Seiwan: I'll never forget you.
And before Kit realized what was happening, Seiwan was gone.
Tokkastra, The Club
It took weeks before Kit found himself standing across the street from the club again. He thought about going to a different one, one not full of such bittersweet memories, but the comfort of familiarity won in his mind. This time, he thought he'd just have a drink and brush off any flirting. Maybe. He didn't know. All he did know was that he was confused. Depressed. He had to do something or else he'd just waste away in his apartment forever.
Kit never had a chance to make the decision to go into the club. A blinding flash of light and a catastrophic boom knocked him clear off his feet, slamming him into the foundation of the water park behind him. When he came to, he could hear nothing but an incessant ringing in his ears. Before him, the front end of the club was gone, replaced with a blazing fire. Kit staggered to his feet and hobbled away into the night, destination unknown.
Draconis Colony, NCCS Shadowdancer
Tears rolled down Kit's cheek as he gazed out of the window of the Shadowdancer, still as a statue and still contemplating the same questions he had that night. Why did Seiwan leave? Was he not good enough for him? Not good enough to overcome the whims and prejudices of a rotten family? Kit spent many years replaying their entire relationship in his head, but found only doubts and second-guessing. The only thing he did know is that he wasn't good enough and until he figured out why, he'd never be good enough.
Even though Seiwan was gone, he was always there. He was there in every hobby that he introduced to Kit. He was there when Kit worked out better translations for alien languages. Every joy in his life was tinged with sadness, for Seiwan introduced him to everything that ever made him smile. For that, he loved Seiwan, and hated him for leaving. Most of all, Kit hated his father with a fierce, burning rage for keeping all the pleasures of life from him.
Commissioned art in this episode from:
AvareonArt
Zelbunnii
Thatwildmary
Colourbrand
